On jet lag, homesickness, and (reverse) culture shock

Fighting jet lag is one of the hardest things about travel. Going overseas this year was more difficult than coming home, in terms of exhaustion. I didn't sleep once I arrived in Dublin- instead, I immediately hopped a DART train out of town and spent my afternoon wandering the coastline of Howth. The exhaustion was actually painful. I hadn't slept much on the flight over, despite my best intentions and my comfy seat in business class, so I felt a bit out of sorts, loopy, like I was going to lay down on the sidewalk and just crash. By the evening, I was sick with exhaustion. So I went to bed at maybe 10 pm, hoping I would sleep through the night. Of course I woke up at about 3 am, wide awake, my body refusing to believe it was the middle of the night. This time around, coping with this was easier than it was last year. Last year, I just about had a full-on panic attack when I couldn't get back to sleep. Foreign country, foreign city, nowhere to go... This year, I just popped on a show on Netflix, had a snack, and waited it out. Fell back to sleep in no time. I think if you can get through that first night, that's the worst of it- after that, getting to sleep and, more importantly, staying asleep, is much easier.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't homesick at all during this trip, but I was much less so than I thought I'd be. I always have a bit of sadness around the 4th of July. This was my second year in a row now being overseas during the most American of holidays, so the homesickness was really strong all that week. Missing out on the fireworks, the family cookouts, the warm summer day to relax and visit with friends and wear ridiculously American outfits. It always makes me sad. But that was it. Other than that, I didn't miss home. I have a stuffed animal that goes with me everywhere, so that's my little piece of home that I have. It was easy to stay in touch with friends and family via WhatsApp and Facebook, so even though I was so far away, I didn't really feel lonely or out of the loop. I think that is what really helped keep me from being homesick this year. I did make a conscious effort not to be tied down to my phone during this trip, and for the most part, I think I succeeded. I did upload my photos every day, and talk to my boyfriend and parents, but for the most part, I only did that when I was in my room, not out with friends or walking around the town. I tried to take in as much of Spain as I could, which meant being present. I feel like as soon as I boarded that first flight out of O'Hare this year, home became Ireland and Spain.
How do you battle homesickness? I think it's important to bring something from home with you. I do have my stuffed animal, and for me, that's enough. I also keep in touch with friends and family, maybe not on a daily basis- there were some days when I didn't talk to anybody that wasn't in Spain with me- but enough that I never felt completely alone. And exploring the area you're in is also really important. I made a point to find my way around Toledo as quickly as possible, so for the first week or so, all I did was let myself get lost and find my way back. After that, I felt completely comfortable in my surroundings, I didn't feel afraid walking around, and I felt confident that I could set out on my own and be alright.
Culture shock... I thought it would be worse! I got off the plane at Barajas in Madrid, and it was a bit interesting to see everything labeled in Spanish, but I'd just come from Ireland, where everything is labeled in Gaelic, so the dual-language aspect of it really didn't bother me. I actually appreciated it, because it was like a little test to my Spanish comprehension. I was determined right off the bat to speak in Spanish as much as I could, so even arriving that first day at our hotel, I tried my best. They spoke back to me in English. Later on, it was more difficult. Some days, my head would hurt from how hard I had to concentrate to translate what people were saying, especially when they would take us out as a group for tours around Toledo and its important monuments. These tours were conducted in all Spanish, and by the end, I always felt myself losing focus because I just couldn't keep up. This got easier over time, and I think that my ability to translate on the go is much better than it was at first, because everyone was always speaking Spanish to us- in class, on tours, in the cafeteria, in bars, at restaurants...- but for me, that was the hardest part. The food wasn't all that different (but it was delicious), and the customs weren't so strange that I ever felt uncomfortable (siestas forever!!!). It really was just getting used to hearing and responding in Spanish all the time. On the plus side, I now feel much more confident in both regards.
Reverse culture shock. I knew it was a thing and I wasn't sure if I'd experience it or not. I think I have, just a little. It was incredibly strange getting off the plane in Dublin and suddenly everything was in English, English everywhere, and it was cold.  I went from 100 degrees in Madrid to 65 degrees in Dublin in the course of an afternoon. And then I went out walking and that was incredibly different, too. There were so many people out on the streets at a time which in Spain would still be siesta hours, so I didn't get the peace and quiet I was originally looking for. I think the hardest part for me was going for dinner. I kept walking into bars, and they were dimly lit and crowded and everybody was so incredibly loud, that I'd just walk right back out. I couldn't deal with the loudness- it almost hurt my ears. Not to say that it's never loud in Spain, but it certainly isn't at that time of day when I was looking for dinner (7 pm). 7 pm in Toledo, sometimes I'd be the only person in the terraza for dinner, or there'd be one or two other tables only. People don't start going out for dinner and tapas until 9-10 pm in Spain, so to see SO many people eating dinner and walking around was just so strange to me. I finally found a bar for dinner, and afterwards went on a mad search for my favorite Irish chocolates and Irish cider to bring home with me, but it was a very interesting afternoon. I didn't expect to have any difficulties in Dublin, but it was a huge change.
Going back to America, I was incredibly sad. I actually didn't want to go home- I'd have stayed in Spain forever if I could've. So I was in a bit of a funk getting on the plane. To try and avoid jet lag coming home, I slept as much as I possibly could on this flight. I think it totalled out to about 5 hours of sleep, on a 7.5 hour flight. This is what saved me when I got back. Last year, I fell asleep by like 6 pm and slept 14 hours. This year, I went to bed at a normal time. Still woke up at 3 am ready to start my day, but I figured I would. But coming home was... strange. Everything is so fast-paced here. I feel like America is the land of "I need it now"- everyone is in a hurry, everyone is stressed, everything is done for the utmost convenience. I mean, if the waiters from Spain came to America for a day, people in America would HATE THEM. The waiters in Spain really just leave you alone. They come over if you flag them, they don't give you the check unless you ask for it (and even then, it can take about 10 minutes or so to actually GET the check...), they aren't right on hand for refills, they don't ask you how your food is- basically the exact opposite of American waiters. What I'm trying to say is, I hate how everyone here is always in a rush to get somewhere or to finish something or to have something. It's like everybody's hurrying towards something but they don't even know what it is they're hurrying towards? Like life is a race and if you don't have certain things at a certain time, something must be wrong. I wish people knew that it was OK to just slow down a little, relax, enjoy the day. I think that's gotten lost in this culture- enjoying life for what it is. People spend so much time focused on working, they get caught up in the stress of paying the bills and the mad rush towards the "American Dream" of a house, a family, a career, but once they have those things, they're still not satisfied. And why? Because they don't know how to enjoy life for what it is. I feel like I'm still on Spanish time and everybody around me is running past. My days feel like they stretch on forever. I don't eat dinner until 8, 9, 10 pm.  I walk every day, even during my lunch breaks at work. In a world that's too busy to slow down and breathe, I still feel like I have time.
I still have time.

Five days

I don't know where the time has gone. I remember when I stepped off the plane in Dublin and again in Madrid and thinking, Five weeks is so long; what was I thinking? But now I'm wondering how it went by so quickly. I wish I had more time.
I feel like I have not done exceedingly well in portraying my time here, so I'll try to do that with this entry.
Dublin: in a day and a half, I managed to fit in everything I love about the city, from Guinness and Orchard Thieves, to Gino's Gelato, to Riverdance and the Liffey. I return this coming Saturday, but I'll be there for barely more than half a day- I'm arriving Saturday evening, and heading to the airport Sunday morning.
First week in Spain: I think this first week was the biggest struggle, in terms of adjusting to the language and the meals and the temperature. My ESTO professor does not speak any English, so I had to adapt quickly to classes taught only in Spanish. Luckily for us, the teachers and staff try to speak a little slower with us because they know we are learning. It made it much easier for me to understand! And now I feel much more confident in understanding people when they talk, which has always been the most difficult for me. It is hard to get into the mindset of interpreting on the go. After a full day of it, it can be very tiring, and it feels like my brain just shuts down and stops comprehending words. But by the third and fourth week, I began noticing that I'd read something and only notice afterwards that it was in Spanish rather than English, and I noticed I was thinking in Spanish as well, even if someone was talking to me in English. It was just easier to reply in Spanish.
Regarding the meals: I love dessert things. I really do. But even I started getting tired of the cafeteria breakfasts. The options included yogurt, a donut, a napolitana (my go-to breakfast, which is like a rolled flaky pastry thing filled with chocolate), or a creme pastry, and coffee. I went from being a pretty healthy eater back home, to eating dessert every morning. And the coffees are tiny- they give what equates to the amount of an American espresso shot, and you can add milk to it. But it's really just a shot of coffee. At first, this was hard to adjust to. I'm a big coffee drinker, so it did nothing for me at first. But just today, I had a "normal-sized" (AKA American sized) iced mocha from Costa Coffee, and after half, I was jittery and had a caffeine headache. So apparently after 5 weeks, I did end up getting used to the tiny coffees in Toledo.
Lunch was always HUGE. They offer the 'menu del dia', which is a fantastic idea, and which I truly love, but it is just so much food! There is a starter plate, which would be gazpacho (a cold tomato soup), or could be something as heavy as a plate of pasta. There is also bread and olive oil. Then is the second plate, which is a meat plate- generally the choices are between fish and chicken, or fish and beef, and both plates served with french fries. And then there is dessert- ice cream, pudding, or coffee. Too much food!!
Siesta: In Toledo, siesta starts around 2 pm, so right around the time we finish with lunch. This is also the time when I'd decide to go on walks. This is a terrible time for walks!!! The reason siesta is so important is because it gets deathly hot in Toledo/central Spain/basically all of Spain in the afternoons, too hot to be outside. Many places do not have air conditioning, or use it infrequently, because the cost of energy in Spain is much higher than it is in America. But I would usually walk during this time, and get lost in all the little streets of Toledo. I wanted to learn my surroundings very early on, so the first few weeks in Toledo was when I was out and about the most. I also felt that, since I had paid a hefty price to be in Spain, that my time would be best spent by actually exploring Spain, rather than sitting in my room on my computer. In Spain, siesta is important because lunch is important. Here, lunch is the biggest meal of the day, and people in areas like Toledo close up shop and go home to lunch with their families. It is also a time for socialization. My professor was always so shocked to hear that in America, we don't talk throughout meals- it's generally a quick and quiet affair. Not everyone sits around a dining table and talks about their day. But in Spain, lunch can last for a very long time because it is also a time for socializing. Dinner is much smaller though. Here, breakfast is around 8 am or so, lunch isn't until 2-3 pm, and dinner isn't until 9-10 pm! I miss American meal times.
Weeks 2-3: I took an impromptu trip to Lisbon with a few other NIU students the first weekend I was in Spain. So beautiful! After that, we all really settled into our classes. I usually had homework daily, but not an excessive amount. I also kept up my daily walking routines, but generally I spent more time walking during weekends than I did on weekdays. My second weekend in Spain, I stayed in Toledo and explored. One Sunday morning, I set out for breakfast and decided I wanted to wander around after, not considering the time of day or my lack of water. So from noon until about 2 pm, I walked and I walked, in 100 degree weather, and I thought I was going to die. By the end of my walk, I had come back around to the more touristy area of Toledo, and after walking up an exceptionally long hill, needed to stop into every open shop I could find, just for a few seconds of air conditioning or shade. I was so tired and so warm that I thought I might pass out. In hindsight, I should've prepared better, but it was still a very enjoyable walk and I became acquainted with parts of the city that even my NIU professor had not really been to.
Another weekend, I went to Candeleda with the other students at the university. By that time, my NIU group had split off mostly into their own tiny separate group, because they did not share any of our classes or daily activities, so I was adopted into the Toledo, Ohio group and became friends with a few of the girls. So we all went to Candeleda, a town in the country very near the mountains, with a beautiful lake. The water was frigid, and there were tons of fish, but it was such a great time! The water was so clear I could see the bottom, and we swam all day except for a lunch break.
Week 4: During this week, we had our exams. The weekend leading up to the start of week 4, all the Toledo, Ohio students had gone to Barcelona because we did not have class on Friday, and I took myself to Madrid and Segovia. I truly enjoyed Segovia, and walked all around to see the aqueducts, their Cathedral (and climbed the very steep spiral stairway of its tower to get a view of the city), then went to their Alcazar, which looks just like a castle from a fairy tale. The next day, I spent exploring Madrid. Since I only had one day in Madrid, I tried to do as much as possible. I ended up joining into a free walking tour, and spent two hours with them- a very good investment, as they took me and the group to all the places I'd wanted to see anyway, AND I got the history of the city, which I wouldn't have gotten otherwise. I have been very against taking public transportation except in times of need, so I walked the entire day- which ended up being almost 12 miles in total. I tried to go to El Prado (art museum) but could not get a student discount so did not go. Visited the Botanical Garden nearby El Prado. Many of the flowers had died or were not in bloom, but their large selection of trees was doing quite well!
Exams: The exams were difficult. I didn't study as much as I should have the night before, because I sat out in the residence's terrace with others from my group and the Ohio group and a few native Spanish speakers, too. We sat and drank wine and I talked 90% of the time in Spanish, so I felt it was still SOME form of studying and that I would be prepared. Wrong. The exam started with 2 listening sections, one of which I did very well on, and the second which I only did OK on. Then there were two reading sections. These were incredibly difficult!! I did very poorly on the first one- only got 1 out of 5 correct. It was a fill in the blank type of section, but you had to complete whole phrases. I thought I understood it, but this was not the case. The next reading section was also fill in the blank, but this time with only words, NOT full sentences, and I did much better. This was more of a test of grammar, so it was easier for me as it was mostly just picking what was the correct tense for a particular word in that sentence. There was an essay section, which I enjoyed. There were two topics to choose from. The last section was a multiple choice section which covered information we'd learned throughout the classes, and I did perfectly on that. After a short break, we returned for the oral exams. My partner and I were first, which was nice because after we finished up at 11:20, we were 100% done for the day, while others had to wait. We got to pick between two themes, and the expectation was that we would talk for 5 minutes straight. I thought there would be more prompting, like with the placement exams, but no, my professor was silent and just listened to each of us talk individually.
All in all, I did well, and I passed. I also went with my Ohio friends that week to my first and only flamenco class, which was so fun but so exhausting!! That same week, we had a farewell fiesta at a pedaleda, which is an open air nightclub. The flamenco teacher insisted I dance with the group for the dance presentation they'd been working on for 4 weeks, and I think I did well despite my one hour of preparation. We all filled up on tapas and paella and sangria, and then I said goodbye to my new friends.
I really love and appreciate this program because I have made so many new friends and met so many people from different parts of the world, and had the opportunity to learn more about their different customs and ways of life. I met students from China, India, Syria, Lebanon, made friends native to Spain, and in hostels, I've met people from Australia, Brazil, Russia.... I would never have these kinds of opportunities without the study abroad program at NIU, and for that, I am endlessly thankful.
Week 5: It's now week 5, and my last week in Spain. My NIU group just finished classes today, but since mine ended much earlier, I decided to travel. My original goal was to visit Malaga, Valencia, and San Sebastian/Bilbao, but I could not find hostels for all places on such short notice. So I booked a 4 day stay in Valencia instead! I am in a hostel here which is very centrally located in the city, near to all the historic monuments, and I have gone to the beach the past two days. It still strikes me as different how here, it is much more commonplace to go topless at the beach. In America, this would never work because breasts are so over-sexualized. But here, it is no problem. I've seen women go topless in areas where many men are around, or families with children, and nobody bats an eye. In some ways, they are much more accepting here. But also, 98% of the people here are so thin and in shape, that it is no surprise. I've never seen so many skinny people in one area! They are overall much healthier than people in America. But anyways, I actually tried this myself today, which is something I would never do in America, and it was very strange but also quite liberating. I went to the beach alone, which was a bit scary as a girl in my hostel was robbed at the beach the other day, but I kept close guard of my belongings. And so after a quick swim, I laid out and tried the topless sunbathing experience. I think American societal views have created a culture of body shaming, shaming of others as well as shaming of yourself, which has made it very taboo to be comfortable with yourself. People who embrace their bodies and their sexuality and their flaws are seen as brash, brazen, slutty, feminazi-esque, or entitled, when we should be preaching tolerance and acceptance. It's a shame.

Today I walked around the city, just taking it in, exploring, trying to get a little lost, and I found myself getting extremely emotional and sad. I don't want to leave. Others in my group have been dreaming of home for weeks now, but for me, the longer I stay here, the more I wish I could stay forever. I love it here. I love the challenge of the language, the culture of the country, the history. I love the food, the healthy lifestyle, the sun, the scorching heat of central Spain and the humidity of the south. I love siestas, long lunches, the relaxed way of doing everything. In Valencia, Madrid, the bigger cities, it is a bit faster-paced, but not everywhere. I dread going back home where everything is so centered around time, and how it's always running out. A culture where fast food is acceptable because it accommodates our fast lifestyles. A culture where everyone thinks they are entitled to something, but nobody wants to work for it. A culture that doesn't respect history, not our own history or the history of the world. I am trying to think of ways that I can keep from falling back into these bad habits when I go back, but I know it's futile. Schedules are necessary, and time is of the essence, and I'll get swept back up in it like I did last year, and I'll forget how to enjoy the little things, because I just won't have the time.

Si te vas, yo también me voy

 

Ireland: Howth and Dublin 

Spain: Toledo

Spain: Toledo (Puente de Alcantara, and la Catedral)

 Portugal: Lisboa (Lisbon).

I've lost track of how long it's been since I came overseas. I know I left on June 22nd. But it feels like I've been here forever. From my two days in Ireland, then spending five days in Spain before running off on an impromptu trip to Lisbon, Portugal, it's been hectic, exhausting, but amazing. This was the first full week of classes and, while it's all information I have learned before, I'm learning to apply it in ways which are actually more useful for conversation. In America, I think they teach us the "technical" way to say things- the very formal, very proper mechanics. But here, they teach us to talk the way that they do, so it's exactly what I wanted to get out of the conversation skills class I signed up for.

Things are different here though, and I've missed home this week. I never was a patriotic person before I started studying abroad and missing the 4th of July. If I had been home these last two summers, I probably would've worked, or stayed in. But over here, I put on my low-key red, white, and blue outfits and we search out places that serve hamburgers and other things that remind us of home.

Things that are different:

-People are very direct here. They don't let you waste their time, and what would seem very rude and abrasive in America is just commonplace and expected here. "Hello" is replaced by "Dígame", and while I've grown used to saying "Dáme un cafe" ("give me a coffee"), I still tack on "por favor" at the end, even though saying "please" and "thank you" isn't really expected in most situations. 

-Meals. I'd read up on this ahead of time, because food is very important to me, but I still somehow thought it wouldn't be an issue. But the meal times and quantity of food is vastly different. In America, we value breakfast as the "most important meal of the day", and experts say it should be the largest meal/full of proteins and healthy stuff, etc etc. However, most people I've seen here eat very little in the morning- a coffee and maybe a croissant or a pastry, although small pulgas with ham and tomato can be purchased. Lunch here is gigantic. They follow menu del dia in the university cafeteria, and it's also available in many restaurants as well- great value for the amount of food, but I can never finish it and they don't give you boxes to take leftovers. Menu del dia is basically a three course meal for a low cost, about 10-12 euro, depending on where you go. After lunch everything in the casco antigua (old city) shuts down for siesta. It's very hard to find a place to go if you want to stay out and have a beer (a cana) or sangria (tinto de verano.) Dinner is also smallish. We are lucky because in the university cafeteria, our meals are decent sized and served at 7:30, but elsewhere in the city, people don't go out to dine until after 9-10 pm. In other words, from an American point of view, it's very smart to go out at about 8 pm because nobody is at the restaurants, which can be nice and quiet (unless you want to people-watch.)

-The service. In America, we are all about being on the go: fast food, fast cars, quick lunch breaks, no delays. THAT IS NOT THE CASE HERE. Meals are meant to be more leisurely, and especially with how big lunch is, you should take your time eating. I'm so used to gulping down my meal that this is difficult for me. But they place value on enjoying the dining time with friends or family, and slowing down to relax and enjoy yourself. So the service is the same way. You can seat yourself often in an outdoor terraza (like a patio, almost all restaurants here have them) and the waiters go in and out, checking on people, serving people, etc. You'll probably get greeted pretty quickly, but even if they take your drink order, it'll probably be quite a few minutes before you receive it. For me, that's very strange. I actually thought at first that the waiter had forgotten about our order, but then he came out with it- really, never less than 5 minutes. Same with ordering and receiving food. The worst though is when you try to get the bill. They don't offer to give it to you like in America, where they just put it on your table and say, "Whenever you're ready." Ohhh no. The waiters here don't really come to you, especially if you have food on the table still (unfortunate if you can't eat everything you ordered...), but if they notice you are low on drinks maybe. Or you have to call them over, or holler across tables "La cuenta por favor!". Eventually they will bring it. Usually after another 10 minutes. It's a very drawn-out experience. I honestly love it. I've been trying to be more conscientious about how quickly I'm eating, so I can try and slow down and enjoy the food and the company more.

-They don't take tips here. None. The only tipping we do is if it comes out to 8.90, it can be rounded up to 9. But they don't expect it. They'll give you back that ten cents if you wait for it. It might even be considered rude to tip here. The waiters actually have good pay here, so they in theory don't "need" your money- not like servers in America rely on tips. 

-Siesta!!! Here, siesta is from about 2 pm- 5 pm, and it makes sense because it's the hottest part of the day. It routinely has been between 95-100 degrees here, with maybe one or two days dipping below 90 before 7 pm. It is so hot, that nobody is outside. Siesta is not as common in Spain as it used to be, but still followed in many places because, as stated above, lunch is the most important meal here. People shut down their shops and can go home and dine with their family and relax and rest, then they come back to work at 5 or 6 and finish out the shift. I have a love-hate relationship with siesta. On one hand, it's SO HOT OUTSIDE that it's almost crazy to walk around in the afternoon. However, 2 pm is right when my free time starts and I really like taking long walks to explore the city, look into shops, do whatever. BUT when everything is closed, and it's deathly hot, and you're thirsty and need a bathroom, but nothing around you is open, that's where the trouble sets in. On the other hand, I love to sleep, so on a few occasions, I've taken pretty epic afternoon naps (not recommended though.) Finally, siesta is a good time to complete homework in my beautifully air conditioned dorm room. So it really comes down to the day and how I feel after lunch has ended. 

Tomorrow we are taking a day trip to Candeleda, which has a series of caves we are visiting as well as a lake for swimming. I'm very excited! I think the town is near the mountains, so it will be a very lovely day. 

Wanderlust

The first thing I noticed about Spain was the color. Looking down from the plane, the ground looked red, sandy, dry. Compared to the two days I spent in rainy, green Ireland, the change in landscape was extreme for me. Not unwelcome, but very opposite to what I'd come from. Landing off the plane, it was the heat. It feels like being inside an oven- the heat pulls the oxygen from my lungs, and it feels like I can't breathe. Like when it's so cold outside that you can feel the air inside your lungs, but here, the air is so warm that you can't feel it at all. It reminds me of Nevada, and the time I spent in Las Vegas. I thought I would have a harder time than I've had so far. Everything is in Spanish, that's true, but there is enough English intermixed that I can figure things out easily enough. Especially at Barajas, the main airport of Madrid. I imagine a lot of tourists come through there, so English was still common to see and hear. But even in Toledo, everything is translated- menus, sidewalk signs, even some of the vendors have picked up a few words. I bought a few trinkets for my family and the cashier told me, 'I like your tattoos'. (I haven't seen many people here with tattoos, and none at all with as many visible ones as I have.) Toledo: pulling into the train station, the first thing you see is the history here. The train station looks ancient. The walls around the city, hundreds of hundreds of years old. The cathedral and the Alcazar, two highest points of the city. The streets are cobblestone, winding, barely wide enough for a car to get through, with names completely different from those seen in America. Not a numbered street or an avenue to be found. More hills than San Francisco, it seems. And again, the heat. No wonder they adhere to siestas here, because walking the streets after 2 pm feels like a deathtrap. Going from the pharmacy or Plaza Zocodover (like 0.5 miles away from my dormitory) and back means coming back drenched in sweat and exhausted simply because the heat sucks all the energy from you. But I do it anyway. I came to Spain to walk, to explore, to find my way. Not to sit in my nicely air-conditioned dorm room on the internet all afternoon every afternoon (only sometimes.) We had a small tour of our college here, which has two buildings that used to be monasteries/convents/churches/etc. We were told that these buildings were used during the time of the Spanish Inquisition, during the time of Napoleon, that some of the doors here are originals that have been maintained for nearly 1,000 years. It's mind-boggling to be in the center of so much history. Toledo used to be the capital of Spain. So much of the city seems largely unchanged. Stores are built on top of and around the ruins of Roman baths- have put in glass floors so that people can come in and see the ruins just below the clothes for sale. Here, they build around history- they didn't knock it all down to build newer, shinier, better things. Here, it feels like there is much more of an appreciation for their history, more pride of their country and heritage. Sometimes in America I feel like we don't even know what our history is. We don't take care of our landmarks. We have national pride, but it isn't the same as it is here. Our pride is more of an 'our country is a great country' type of thing but we can't explain why. We just know that on 4th of July, we wear our red-white-and-blue and watch fireworks, drink beer and cook out with our families, and have a day off from work. We celebrate the day but not the reason the day is special to American history. Maybe it's the same way in other parts of Spain. But in Toledo, how can you ignore history when it's written all over the walls you walk by each day?

Whirlwind

The past week has gone by in a blur. From packing and repacking and packing again, to finding my way through O'Hare, relaxing in business class on my flight to Dublin thanks to a lucky upgrade, and finally making my way to Spain, it's been hectic to say the least. However, everything has gone well.
I spent a day and a half in Dublin, and I'm very glad for that. Ireland has been my favorite place ever since last year, and it did not disappoint. As soon as I was able to drop off my luggage, I was out the door, jet lagged but determined. I hopped a train to the seaside town of Howth and spent a few hours walking the coastline and exploring the town, stopping at various pubs to have a glass of my favorite Irish beers (namely, Orchard Thieves Cider, but I also had a Guinness in Dublin.) In Dublin, I went to all my favorite places- crepes and coffee for lunch, a local pub for dinner, and clocked 11 miles over the course of the day. My favorite thing to do is walk around and get a little lost, so it's no surprise to me that over the course of my time in Ireland, I walked about 24 miles altogether. I was sad to leave- it's never enough time.

Catching the flight from Dublin to Madrid was easier than I thought it would be. It's so important to research public transportation before going to a new city and especially new countries. I felt much more relaxed already having determined what bus to take and where I'd need to wait in the morning. I even did well on the plane, which was small and packed half full of Irish men headed to Spain to watch the World Cup game in Leon (Ireland lost). I was nervous about arriving in Spain because I thought it would be a huge culture shock to see and hear only Spanish, but it has gone splendidly so far. I've tried to challenge myself to speak as much Spanish as possible with vendors and teachers and I feel comfortable enough trying to ask for things. However, I had a bit of a shock yesterday when I was told I had to take two placement tests, which I didn't think I would need. It did not go well. I arrived late because they had to come find me and take me to the exam, and then I felt very rushed at the end when they said everyone only had 5 minutes left. I should've asked for more time on account of arriving late, but instead I panicked, started crying throughout the end of the exam, did not bother to finish two fill-in-the-blank sections (didn't think I had time, and was by that point too panicked to focus), and walked out soon after. I should've tried harder, but all the same, I was placed into Spanish Composition 4, with the most advanced being Composition 6. I think if I'd been less stressed over the situation I could have done better, but I've since accepted my fate and I am determined to learn from this class as much as I can. The teacher speaks to us only in Spanish, so that already is a challenge! I am used to NIU teachers who mostly teach the class in English with a bit of Spanish interjected into the lecture. So already I have been working hard to understand more of what I am hearing. My oral examen was this morning and I've been told I placed well in that too, so overall, things are still working out. Just differently from what I am used to.

In a separate entry, I will talk more about the customs here, the differences, and the history of Toledo. It is an amazingly beautiful city, and I'm so glad to be here- no matter how hot it is outside.

One week

One week to go, and I'll be out in the world on my own for the first time. Last year I went with friends, and felt more comfortable. I'm not so nervous traveling, but I'll miss the support on the flight- seven uncomfortable hours squished into a seat next to strangers isn't my idea of a good time.
So why Spain? Why this program? There were many options to choose from- many from various areas of Spain for 2-5 weeks, some in Central America (Costa Rica, for example.) And this one. I feel more comfortable knowing that this is an NIU sponsored program, and I'll be there with other NIU students and the Spanish professor who is teaching both my classes in the fall. But I also wanted a more immersive experience. I didn't want a quick "Spanish intensive" program lasting 2 or 3 weeks. I wanted to take my time, be able to explore, and also, my professor is very keen on getting us out and about the town regularly, so I expect many opportunities to fumble my way through conversations. Plus the classes I'm taking transfer directly back to my Spanish minor- I don't have to worry about another placement test, like I would have to take with other programs!
So far, I am extremely unprepared, and yet I feel like I've done centuries worth of research into Spain and its offerings. I haven't packed a single thing besides putting some jewelry aside. I'm not quite finished getting my personal life in order (bills bills bills, but I'm also an executive board member of two student organizations, which takes an extraordinary amount of planning and collaboration to try and get things scheduled, especially months in advance.) I'm not worried yet, although I think by next Tuesday, I'll be a wreck. It feels unreal still- to think I'll be halfway around the world.
I've been thinking a lot about homesickness, and anxiety, and the problems I had last year. Sometimes I feel very closed off- I cling very tightly to my perception of who I am. Sometimes this manifests as a fear of change. Last year I was conflicted because I had this idea in my head that the journey would turn me into something else- which was 95% of why I was going on the trip actually. It's hard to explain. The point of study abroad is to be open to new experiences and opportunities and to step outside of your comfort zone. In doing this, you assimilate into the society which you are submersed in. Your perspectives are altered. Your security blanket must be set aside. I think I had a hard time with this last year. My journey last year was very symbolic to me of what I just described- setting aside the anxiety and fear that had, up to that point, held me back from the experiences I wanted to have and the places I wanted to go. This year, while it is still somewhat the same, it is more of an expansion upon myself and those changes which already occurred. Last year I survived. This year, I want to thrive.

The struggle

As I mentioned before, I am getting to my location a little early. This means I have to coordinate bookings for multiple hotels and flights, which, for someone as obsessed with organizing as I am, is a huge struggle. Ireland was easy, because I know Dublin. I know where to go, where to stay, what I want to be near. But Spain? I've absolutely no clue. We are staying in Madrid overnight, which means I've been endlessly researching hotels near the airport, hotels closer to city center, surrounding amenities, hotel amenities, transportation to and from hotels/city center/airport. It's exhausting.
So I've narrowed it down to five (or seven) hotels which have things that are important: ATM, bar, COFFEE, maybe a pool (30 day forecast says I should expect 90 degree weather!!), and convenience of transportation. I have a feeling I'll want to be by things and places I can go walk to and ogle at, but I have a sneaking suspicion I'll get lost.
33 days and counting!

Leave the things that habit made you love

So I wrote the following on my other blog a few weeks ago. Looks like I'm going to be double-blogging this summer!

Another year, another study abroad. Back to Dublin- just for a few days- and then a month in Spain. I chose to go back to Dublin because I struggled last year. I expected the jet lag, but I didn’t expect to be awake at three am with my thoughts racing and a fear of walking out the door into an unfamiliar city with nowhere to go. But this time, Dublin isn’t unfamiliar and I know where to go at three am when all I want is fresh air and a coffee. So two days in Dublin, two days of Lemon Crepe & Co, Orchard Thieves cider, really real Guinness, and -hopefully- a day trip to Howth and the seaside.

And then a month in Spain. I’ll be arriving a day early and staying in a hotel overnight in Madrid with another NIU student in the program with me, before we all meet up to catch a train to Toledo, a city south of Madrid, which is known as ‘la ciudad de tres culturas’, for its strong historical ties to the Christian, Jewish, and Muslim cultures. It is actually a UNESCO World Heritage site! Below is a picture of it, which Wikipedia kindly provided:

I really love Europe because it feels a little like stepping backwards in time. When we think of ‘old’ in the US, it really doesn’t resonate the same- we don’t respect our old buildings the same way. We tear them down and make way for newer, shinier, taller buildings. Our country overall (as we know it) isn’t even that old in comparison. In Ireland, I visited a church which had been in existence (and is still fully functional today) since 1000 A.D. It just blows my mind, that something so old could still be here. So I am extremely excited to see more of Europe and hopefully as much of Spain as I can. It sounds like I will have some free weekends so I’m already looking into places I can go (the dream: Mount Vesuvius & Pompeii, because VOLCANO OMG), although my list is longer than my bank account can accommodate! It’s a very fine line between living for experiences and memories, and accepting the importance of financial security in American society. However, I am determined to make the best of my time, and go as far as my free time allows me.

Countdown: two months exactly!!! I leave on June 22nd.