One week

One week to go, and I'll be out in the world on my own for the first time. Last year I went with friends, and felt more comfortable. I'm not so nervous traveling, but I'll miss the support on the flight- seven uncomfortable hours squished into a seat next to strangers isn't my idea of a good time.
So why Spain? Why this program? There were many options to choose from- many from various areas of Spain for 2-5 weeks, some in Central America (Costa Rica, for example.) And this one. I feel more comfortable knowing that this is an NIU sponsored program, and I'll be there with other NIU students and the Spanish professor who is teaching both my classes in the fall. But I also wanted a more immersive experience. I didn't want a quick "Spanish intensive" program lasting 2 or 3 weeks. I wanted to take my time, be able to explore, and also, my professor is very keen on getting us out and about the town regularly, so I expect many opportunities to fumble my way through conversations. Plus the classes I'm taking transfer directly back to my Spanish minor- I don't have to worry about another placement test, like I would have to take with other programs!
So far, I am extremely unprepared, and yet I feel like I've done centuries worth of research into Spain and its offerings. I haven't packed a single thing besides putting some jewelry aside. I'm not quite finished getting my personal life in order (bills bills bills, but I'm also an executive board member of two student organizations, which takes an extraordinary amount of planning and collaboration to try and get things scheduled, especially months in advance.) I'm not worried yet, although I think by next Tuesday, I'll be a wreck. It feels unreal still- to think I'll be halfway around the world.
I've been thinking a lot about homesickness, and anxiety, and the problems I had last year. Sometimes I feel very closed off- I cling very tightly to my perception of who I am. Sometimes this manifests as a fear of change. Last year I was conflicted because I had this idea in my head that the journey would turn me into something else- which was 95% of why I was going on the trip actually. It's hard to explain. The point of study abroad is to be open to new experiences and opportunities and to step outside of your comfort zone. In doing this, you assimilate into the society which you are submersed in. Your perspectives are altered. Your security blanket must be set aside. I think I had a hard time with this last year. My journey last year was very symbolic to me of what I just described- setting aside the anxiety and fear that had, up to that point, held me back from the experiences I wanted to have and the places I wanted to go. This year, while it is still somewhat the same, it is more of an expansion upon myself and those changes which already occurred. Last year I survived. This year, I want to thrive.